Ultimate Guide to Adopting Your Perfect Human – A Dogs’ Guide

Woof, fellow canines! Welcome to the Ultimate Guide to Adopting Your Perfect Human – A Dog’s Guide, where we’re about to unleash a tail-wagging adventure into the world of human companionship. It’s time to grab life by the leash and sniff out that special human who will cater to your every woof, whimper and sad eyes!

Picture this: a human who not only fetches sticks but also throws them with enthusiasm, gives belly rubs on demand, and sneaks you the occasional treat under the table. If you’re a discerning dog with a sense of humour and a paw-sitively optimistic outlook on life, then this guide is your golden ticket to finding your fur-ever human companion.

Now, prick up those ears, cock your head in curiosity, and get ready to embark on a journey filled with barks of joy and tail wags of contentment. Whether you’re a seasoned sniffer or a playful pup at heart, this guide is packed with tips, tricks, and treats to help you navigate the exciting world of human adoption like a pro.

So, bark loudly to the skies, wag your tail with glee, and let’s dive (wet) nose-first into the adventure of a lifetime. After all, every dog deserves a loyal human by their side, so let’s paws for a moment and start this paw-some journey together!

Are you ready to open your heart and your home to the perfect human companion? Great! Let’s wag on and discover how to find the human who will treasure you the way you deserve – with endless love, fun, and, of course, plenty of belly rubs!

Let the tail-wagging begin! 🐾💖

Why You Need a Hooman?

Let’s start with the basics: why should you, a proud and independent doggo, consider adopting a human? The benefits are endless. Imagine having a personal assistant who caters to your every whim. Need someone to throw the ball? Your human’s on it. Want endless belly rubs? Say no more. Plus, humans are great for handling those pesky chores, like cleaning up after your muddy paw prints and ensuring your food & water bowls are always full.

Just like how humans choose the perfect dog breed, it’s essential for you to select a human that fits your lifestyle and personality. Consider factors such as activity level (amount of dog walks and belly rubs), living space (how big your bed is and are you allowed on their bed), and temperament (are they kind to you and knowledgeable about training and exercise needs). Remember, it’s not just about finding any human but finding the one human who understands your woofs and wags (they call it dog training).

Adopting a human can bring emotional and psychological benefits too. Studies show that dogs with multiple kind humans are generally happier and healthier (Study carried out by: The Dog). They get more playtime, more walks, more beep-beeps (going out in the car) and more love. And let’s be honest, who couldn’t use a little extra love in their life?

The Legal and Financial Loopholes of Human Adoption

Alright, so you’re now convinced. But how does one go about adopting a human, you ask? First, let’s talk legalities. While adopting a human might sound a bit … unconventional, it’s actually simpler than you might think. There are plenty of legal loopholes you can exploit. For example, you can start by offering a ‘roommate agreement’ that slowly evolves into a full-blown adoption contract. Just make sure to throw in some fine paw-print about unlimited belly rubs and poop-scooping duties.

As for the financial side of things, don’t worry too much. Humans, unlike us, don’t require fancy kibble or flea treatments. They’re usually happy with regular meals, Netflix subscriptions, and the occasional spa day.

Training Your New Human

Once you’ve navigated the legal and financial waters (mucky puddles), it’s time for the fun part: training your new human. Just like us, humans need clear boundaries and consistent rules. Start with the basics: water always fresh, feed times always on time and never 10 seconds too late, never allow them to pretend to throw a ball and always have your bed plumped up ready for naps at regular intervals.)

Positive reinforcement is key. Reward your human with kisses, tail wags, puppy eyes, funny ears and the occasional lick when they follow the rules. If they slip up, a gentle bark (or a stern look) should do the trick. And don’t forget to socialise them! Introduce your human to your fellow furry friends and their humans. The more they interact with others, the better adjusted they’ll be.

What to Expect When You’re Adopting a Human

Adopting a human is a big step but very rewarding, and it’s important to be prepared. Here’s a quick rundown of what you can expect:

1. Initial Excitement: The first few days will be filled with excitement and novelty. They will be curious about the new addition, and your human will be eager to impress.
2. Adjustment Period: After the initial excitement wears off, there may be a period of adjustment. Your human might need some time to get used to the household rules, and you might need reassurance that you’re still the top dog.
3. Routine Establishment: Once everyone has settled in, you’ll start to establish a routine. This is when the real bonding happens. You and your human will develop your own special relationship, and you’ll enjoy watching them grow closer to you every day.
4. Lifelong Companionship: In the end, adopting a human is about creating a lifelong companionship. Your human will become an integral part of your family, providing love, support, and plenty of laughs.

More things you can master to have hoomans wrapped around your little paw

Teefies:

If you’ve ever caught your dog with their lips hilariously stuck on their teeth, exposing a goofy grin, you’ve witnessed the phenomenon known as “teefies. It is a behaviour that humans love, find it hilarious and can be seen pointing their dog and bone at you and posting it on their dogcial media.

Teefies are irresistibly funny to humans, they are unexpected, giving ‘human like’ smiles, it shows us dogs with innocent charm and of course, the photo opp.

Zoomies:

In order to aster the Zoomies, one must adopt a certain set of characteristics:

• Bum must be tucked under
• Eyes must be glaring as if possessed by the devil
• Front legs splayed at a seemingly uncomfortable angle
• Usually performed in indoor room (but not limited to) where space is limited
• Unpredictable direction
• Abrupt stops and turns
• Furniture dodging acrobatics
• Blissful happiness!

Smiling (or smiling on cue)

One of the most delightful and amusing dog behaviours is when they smile, or even better, smile on cue. Imagine your furry friend grinning from ear to ear, showing off their pearly whites in a display of pure happiness and affection. Dogs often mimic human smiles by pulling back their lips in a way that resembles a grin, sometimes even exposing their front teeth.

What makes this behaviour even more endearing is when they learn to smile on command. Through positive reinforcement and training, some dogs can be taught to flash a smile in response to a specific cue or gesture from their owner. This not only showcases their intelligence but also creates moments of sheer joy and laughter for everyone involved.

A dog’s smile is contagious—it’s hard not to smile back when you see their face light up with happiness. Whether they’re responding to a favourite toy, anticipating a treat, or simply enjoying your company, a dog’s smile is a heartwarming reminder of the bond we share with our canine companions.

The Dalmatian for some unknown reason is particularly adept at smiling. It is pure charm wrapped in spots!

Wiggly Butt

Usually performed while stationary or with a limited area. Depicts extreme happiness or anticipation. May be triggered by wanting or demanding something, greetings, anticipation, walk preparation or playtime, or more often, food or attention! Wiggle butts are a particular skill of the Corgi.

Air Snaps or Silent Barks

Can be seen when your dog’s silent mode is activated. Looks like a bark but with no sound. Some dog-fluencers can be seen activating their dog’s silent mode on cue, saying they are doing their ‘whisper bark’, master this and you will be top of the dog class!

Frog Legs

When a dog lies on their stomach with their hind legs stretched out behind them, it’s known as the “frog leg” position. It’s especially common in puppies and looks like they’re preparing to leap into action at any moment. A particularly cute behaviour to master and can be used to instigate attention.

Window Art

Unless your human has nothing better to do with their time, your window art may stay in place for a long time, especially in the car! Creating window art requires no tools, just your trusty wet nose. Simply press your nose against the glass and voila, you’ve made your mark! To make your art more diverse and intricate, consider adding some mud from your paws after a muddy walk. This additional texture will enhance your creation, making it a true masterpiece. Your human may not always appreciate your artistic talents, but every dog knows that a little nose art goes a long way in decorating their world!

Head Tilts

When a dog tilts their head to one side as if they’re trying to understand what you’re saying, it’s an irresistibly cute and comical sight. This behaviour reveals their effort to focus and process the auditory stimuli around them, especially when they hear an intriguing sound. The head tilt is like a canine version of raising an eyebrow in curiosity, indicating their keen interest and attempt to grasp the meaning behind the noises they hear. Whether it’s a new command, an unfamiliar noise, or simply your voice, this endearing gesture showcases their intelligence and attentiveness, adding a touch of charm to their already lovable demeanour. Click this but be prepared for head tilt activation (sound on).

Nose Bumps

One of the top behaviours for cuteness in dogs is the nose bump. It’s not just adorable; it’s a clever way for dogs to communicate their needs and desires to their beloved humans. When defending their food or seeking attention, dogs often employ the gentle but deliberate act of nudging their human with their nose. This subtle gesture is both endearing and effective, conveying a message without the need for barks or whines. Whether they’re safeguarding their meal or simply craving affection, the nose bump is a clear indication of trust and a desire for interaction, solidifying the bond between dog and human.

Levels of nose bump skill:

1. Standard Nose Bump
2. Vibro-Bump
3. Nose Bump/Head Tilt (reserved only for the most skilled)
4. Power Bump (funniest)

Hilarious Human Adoption Stories

To inspire you on your journey, here are a few hilarious stories from other dogs who have successfully adopted humans:

• Bella and Max: Bella, a busy retriever, decided to adopt Richard & Sandra, struggling artists’, to keep her company during the day. Sandra quickly became Bella’s favourite person, often found in the backyard, covered in paint, playing fetch. Sandra says, “Bella’s the best studio assistant I could ask for!”
• Rocky and Tom: Rocky, a high-energy Jack Russell Terrier, was in desperate need of more exercise, so he adopted Tom, an avid runner. Now, Rocky and Tom are inseparable, hitting the tracks and fields every morning. Rocky loves the peace and quiet he gets during their runs, jokingly calling it “the best decision I ever made.”
• Milo and Emily: Milo adopted Emily, a professional chef, to help with his picky eating habits. Emily’s culinary skills have transformed Milo into a gourmet pup, and he enjoys the added bonus of delicious home-cooked meals. “We’re one big happy family now,” says Milo.

Resources and Support for Human Adopters

Adopting a human is a big commitment, and it’s important to have a support system. Here are some resources to help you on your journey:

• Support Groups: Join local or online support groups for dogs who have adopted humans. Share stories, tips, and get advice from others who have been through the process.
• Books and Guides: There are plenty of humorous and informative books on human adoption. Pick up a few to guide you through the process and keep you entertained.
• Professional Help: If you’re struggling with the adoption process, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Adoption agencies, legal advisors, and even therapists can provide valuable support.

Conclusion

Adopting a human might sound like a crazy idea, but for savvy dogs with a sense of humour, it’s a fun and rewarding adventure. Not only will you gain a new companion, but you’ll benefit from the extra attention and love. So why not take the plunge and adopt your perfect human today? You’ll thank yourself, and you’ll gain a friend for life. Happy adopting!

And remember, the journey might be filled with laughter and a few unexpected twists, but in the end, it’s all about creating a happy, loving home for you and your new human. Cheers to new beginnings and endless belly rubs!

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